AM I A KERALAMITE?!

A highly scientific (and slightly confused) field report from a proud citizen.

Breaking news: I woke up as a normal Keralite; and by lunchtime, I might legally become a ‘Keralamite’.Identity crisis loading… 72%.

You may have heard of rare minerals like bauxite, ilmenite, monazite, and sillimanite — powerful, valuable, and slightly intimidating names usually found in geology textbooks and exam nightmares. Coincidentally, Kerala’s beaches are rich in these minerals.

Now comes the real discovery: a brand-new rare element — Keralamite.

Scientists (also known as confused citizens) are still studying its properties. Early findings suggest:

•Keralamite may be Highly resistant to heat (especially summer in April).

• Emotionally reactive to sad movie scenes
• Strong bonding with tea and banana chips
• Naturally found near beaches, buses, and WhatsApp groups

But the real philosophical question remains:
 

If the state becomes “Keralam,” what happens to the word “Keralite”? So far I was so proud to say so!

Do we upgrade? Rebrand? Or simply evolve like Pokémon?

“Keralamite” sounds less like a person and more like something you would mine near Chavara and export for aerospace research.

Meanwhile, “Keralamian” sounds like a rare mineral discovered by NASA.

Imagine a future headline:

“New rare mineral Keralamian found — highly stable, loves rain, speaks Malayalam fluently.”

Even scholars are scratching their heads. Is this a linguistic update… or a geological transformation?
 

Thank God, No Immediate Change in Documents, which is a mercy of the ‘janakeeya sarkaar’.
 

Before anyone panics and rushes to update Aadhaar, passport, ration card, school certificate, and that one laminated ID from 2008 , please relax.
 

Your old documents will remain valid. No sudden identity meltdown.

There is no need to renew everything immediately. Gradually, and very politely, “Kerala” will continue appearing in government records, legal documents, passports, maps, educational certificates, and international agreements. In short: bureaucracy will move at its natural, majestic speed.
 

Eventually, the new name will gracefully appear on: State seal,Official logo, Letter pads, Government boards, Websites, And possibly even on tea stall discussions, don’t be panic then!

Of course, a name change is not just emotional — it is also economical.

New boards, new stationery, new branding, new printing… and suddenly the budget is doing yoga stretches.

Yes, the name change may lead to a financial burden.
 

But let’s be honest — compared to the cost of weddings, fuel, and online shopping, this might just be another “adjust cheyyam” situation.

Final Conclusion
 

So, am I a Keralite?
 

A Keralamite?

A Keralamian?

Or just a human who still says “Kerala” out of habit for the next 20 years?

Whatever the official name becomes, one thing is certain:
 

Rain will still pour, tea will still boil, politics will still trend, and we will still proudly say —

“Ende naadu… Keralam (formerly known as Kerala), forever.”